Stuck!

Ever felt stuck? I mean, like no matter what you do or what changes you make, nothing seems to change much? I feel that way tonight. Well, I feel that way about our financial situation. It seems like nothing we do works. We always have enough, thank God. He has truly kept us over these last few years. But outside of having enough, it is hard for us to see any advancement.

There are times when I feel that I should just be happy that we have enough to pay the bills. Most people don't have that these days. But then again, there are days when I feel guilty for accepting our situation... for not desiring for more.

I often wonder what God feels about our situation. Does He want us to abound and be prosperous, having more than just enough? When He looks at us, does He think, "My daughter, I want more for you and your family." Or, does He look at me and say, "This little ungrateful child of mine. I give you enough, and you still want MORE?"

That uncertainty has led me to be stuck. I go back and forth between these feelings. I have yet to really seek God and ask Him what He wants for our financial situation. My hubby and  have made SOOOOO many mistakes... there are days when we feel like we should just accept the consequences for our action; then there are days when we are begging God for His intervention.

There has to be something that we are to learn from this, right? We have repented so many times. God, I'm sorry! I don't know what else we should say or do. We need Your assistance! Tell us what to do to get out of this! And yet... there seems to be a slight struggle on our end.

*sigh*

My hubby and I definitely need to go back to prayer on this one. We need some direction, and I don't want to lean on my own understanding for this matter anymore. God will show us the way, even if I feel stuck right now. I am trusting in Him.

This is me... BEING...STUCK!

Believing What God Promised!

I had a moment of weakness today. My son has eczema, and he is going through a tough breakout this weekend. Usually, this wouldn't bother me as much because if it got too bad for over-the-counter creams, I would swing him by the doctor and get some meds...however, since I went part-time, I have lost my insurance benefits. I was frustrated because I know God spoke divine healing and health over my family, yet, here my son is with a bad breakout today. After my weak moment, I felt like crying. I was upset, guilty, etc. I know better than this, but I just had a moment.

I think I was having an issue because I spend all day on yesterday looking at health insurance plans, and everything is SO expensive. I tell ya, I just felt defeated. Did I make a mistake by going part-time? I thought sure I heard from the Lord on this. I had so much peace about it... until I saw the prices of insurance plans for myself and my family. I felt sick to my stomach. God, how in the WORLD are we supposed to afford this? I just didn't understand it all. I know I need to take it to God... I know this. And I will... I just couldn't react the way I wanted to on yesterday and today because my hubby and son were sitting there staring in mu face. But as soon as my son falls asleep tonight, you better believe I will be laid out on my face in worship. I feel it. Even in church today, I felt like just spending time with Him.

I was getting my son ready for bed tonight and I mentioned to him that we were going to pray for his healing from eczema tonight. He asked what I would pray for, and I told him complete healing, that he doesn't itch, and that his breakouts would go away. He says, "But mom, that's impossible!" And I instinctively said, "With God, all things are possible! God can do anything!" And then I was EXTREMELY convicted because as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Do YOU believe that?"

I want to believe... Lord, help my unbelief! As my son and I prayed tonight, I thought about the promise of diving healing and health that God spoke during the time He told me to go part-time. If God said it, why in the world and I struggling with this? At this very moment that I am typing this, I have decided to expect miracles! I don't know how, or when, but God is going to do what He promised. I ask right now that the Lord strengthen me... for when I am weak, He is strong! His word cannot return to Him void...

2 Corinthians 1:20
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.

This is me... believing what God promised!

90 Day Bible Challege

I started a bible reading challenge on yesterday. For the next 90 days, I have agreed to do the following:

• Read selected scriptures daily.
• Pray/Read/Meditate/Study for at least two hours out of the day.
• Fast every Wednesday from 6am-12pm.
• Post a discussion/blog every Friday about any challenges, concerns, revelations that I have received that week.

Seems easy enough, since most of this we should be doing on our own anyway. But I tell you, I have an issue with follow-through. I can't tell you how many things I have started and stopped for no specific reason other than I was tired of doing it. Let's hope that this time will be different. I want to commit to it... but I know myself. I am hoping to push through the thoughts of stopping this time. I mean, Jesus said no one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. So many of my toes were stepped on in that one statement. Help me Lord Jesus... I want to commit myself to this. Hopefully, this challenge will jump start a lifelong journey of reading and spending time with God every day.