Ever wondered what it would be like to really know who you are in God? To really understand what His thought and purpose for crafting you into existence was? I often wonder about this... I sometimes will sit and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal some of the Father's thoughts towards me, which is a very scary thought for me! You see, I've only had bad experiences with earthly fathers. They all left in some way, shape, or form. My bio didn't stick around, and when he finally found interest in me, he died. My step didn't like me, and he died too. The figure that walked me down the aisle on my wedding day ended up leaving our church. So, when I think "father," I don't really have a good experience that comes to mind.
I see God as the "big guy in the sky." After all, He has the whole world in His hands, right? Surely He doesn't have time to think of little ol' me. Because of this thought process, I have had a very distant relationship with God. I know He exists, but does He really care about my day to day life... probably not. I talk to Him occasionally... think about Him a little more than that; envying His relationships with my brothers and sisters, but yet... I can never really trust him enough to come through... for me.
Wait... am I talking about my earthly father or God here? I can't seem to distinguish between the two...
I get to the point where I fall in love with my Father, who art in heaven... then my memories overtake me and escort my emotions back down to earth. I have to continually tell myself that I have a Father in heaven whose love has never failed me. He has kept me from dangers seen and unseen... saved my life a few times. Blessed me with a wonderful Godly husband and a beautiful son... yet, there are still days where I wonder how He feels about me? I know what the bible says... I just have a hard time believing it. I know His word is true... I have to make myself believe it. I see so much irony in the fact that God is a father... yet, none of my earthly "fathers" have ever demonstrated this fatherly love for me. So, now I am an adult female seeking the love of Christ, but not quite believing that He cares for me...
This is me... BEING.... transparent.
Awesome post..this is true for many people-including me. Earthly relationships have a tendency to influence how we view our relationship with God. But the moment that you REALLY enter a real relationship with Him..where you bare all because He knows all and He loves you anyway...Freedom. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYes, true freedom in Christ is what I am after!
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