I am here...
God... Father... Abba...
Manifest Your glory, God
Come in and sup with me...
Hallelujah!
Your majesty!
Break through my walls!
Fear. uncertainty...
Rejection.
Doubt... pity... regret
Tear down my walls!
In the backdrop of Hallelujahs,
I join in...sing! SING!
Giving glory to Your name!
Laying my all at Your feet!
It will never be enough,
Yet... I know i don't have to be!
The hope of being with You!
Yet, the feeling of reverence as I kneel before You...
I want to run to You, but also want to run away
Because You are God!
I'm not supposed to be here...
But I enjoy this sweet relief of acceptance
It feels good to my soul!
My mind wanders in all of Your splendor.
What is this love You posses?
How can You love us in our mess?
Why are You relentless in Your pursuit of me?
Why do I keep stumbling back into Your arms?
I can't stay away!
Facing this cold world without You is unimaginable!
I pray, even when I'm wrong, because I'm always counting on Your love to SAVE me!
Even when I wasn't a believer, I believed!
How is t hat even possible?
I don't understand..
Your love has totally encompassed my mind... and my world.
Teach me how to love, You, God!
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Love Dose #1
30:30 Day 1
Love dose #1: Psalm 147: 2-3
The Lord builds up Jerusalem. He gathers the outcasts of
Israel.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Personal study
builds up:
uplifts, encourages, redeems…
Jerusalem/Israel:
special people, His beloved (ME!!!!)
Gathers the outcasts:
the rejected, lonely, uncared for… they become meaningful to Him.
Heals the brokenhearted: healing denotes sickness… illness… sadness of
heart.
Binds up their wounds: takes
healing measures, cares for, mends… wounds/sorrows.
What promises did God make to me in this passage?
·
You will build me up!
·
You will gather me as Your own!
·
You will heal my broken heart!
·
You will bind up (mend) my wounds/sorrows!
My two-cents:
I’m grateful for the fellowship of the Lord. He keeps me and
covers me. At times, I feel as though He is all I have. The only one who loves
me all the t1ime. And I need that! To feel loved! And wanted! That feeling
melts my heart. I don’t do well on my own, so I intend to fully lean on God to
fill that void. I’m also grateful for the companionship of my son. He makes me
smile, even when he is being a typical 5 year-old!
Monday, January 12, 2015
Submissive
Some of the BEST advice the Holy Spirit has ever given me
came one day (years ago) after my hubby and I had a “discussion” that got a
little heated… I immediately went to our bedroom and closed the door. Crying
out to God, I said, “God, did You hear what he said to me!!!?!?!?!???!!!!” I
was SOOO angry because my hubby wouldn’t do what I told him to do… As I
prayed ABOUT my husband, I had this conversation with the Lord…
Holy Spirit: The only thing with two heads is a monster.
Me: Wait…what?
Holy Spirit: (complete silence)
Me: (with the stank face) What’choo mean, Lord?
Holy Spirit: Let him lead… he is your head.
Me: (blank stare)… but…
Holy Spirit: (brings scripture back to my remembrance) 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the
Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the
wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to
Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Me: (complete silence… heart broken,
convicted) Lord, help me!
Holy Spirit: Pray FOR your husband, not
about him. Submit to him, as is required. Mind your business, and let the
Father turn his heart. A heart change is required, and only God can do that.
God holds the heart of the king in His hands… and like water, He can turn it whichever
way He pleases (Proverbs 21:1).
Ladies, this is some of the most humbling words
the Lord has ever spoken to me… it keeps me in line when I want to grab him
around the neck and choke him, lol… and just as the Lord said, He has turned my
husband’s heart… we RARELY argue/fuss. He treats me well. We get on each other’s
nerves, but we are IN love… and we are In Christ…together! TGBATG!!!!!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Being... emotional and alone...
Sometimes I am just speechless... I don't really know what to say. I am tired of being hurt.. tired of being looked over... I wonder if I am overreacting? Maybe... probably. I know one thing for sure: the people who I am so worried about sure aren't worried about me!
Asking God for healing in this area of my life. That ragged spirit of rejection continues to plague me... I want so badly to be rid of it. Praying for healing... and praying that I can move on.
Am I meant to be friendless? Does anyone care? This season of isolation seems like it is lasting a LIFETIME...
My old friends have forgotten about me... and my new ones, well... not even sure if we were ever friends. I have been dumped SOOO many times. The only thing that consoles me is that I know God will never leave me. Even when I feel so far away from Him, He always sends a reminder that He loves me. I am just going to throw myself into Him. Maybe He will change me into a likable person. Apparently, I am not good enough to be anyone's friend.
No matter how much I pray for God to remove people that don't need to be in my life, and bring those that do, I am still alone. No phone calls, no texts... no one to pray with. No one to laugh with...
Not sure what this lesson is, but I sure do hope I learn it soon...
Friday, August 15, 2014
Stuck!
Ever felt stuck? I mean, like no matter what you do or what changes you make, nothing seems to change much? I feel that way tonight. Well, I feel that way about our financial situation. It seems like nothing we do works. We always have enough, thank God. He has truly kept us over these last few years. But outside of having enough, it is hard for us to see any advancement.
There are times when I feel that I should just be happy that we have enough to pay the bills. Most people don't have that these days. But then again, there are days when I feel guilty for accepting our situation... for not desiring for more.
I often wonder what God feels about our situation. Does He want us to abound and be prosperous, having more than just enough? When He looks at us, does He think, "My daughter, I want more for you and your family." Or, does He look at me and say, "This little ungrateful child of mine. I give you enough, and you still want MORE?"
That uncertainty has led me to be stuck. I go back and forth between these feelings. I have yet to really seek God and ask Him what He wants for our financial situation. My hubby and have made SOOOOO many mistakes... there are days when we feel like we should just accept the consequences for our action; then there are days when we are begging God for His intervention.
There has to be something that we are to learn from this, right? We have repented so many times. God, I'm sorry! I don't know what else we should say or do. We need Your assistance! Tell us what to do to get out of this! And yet... there seems to be a slight struggle on our end.
*sigh*
My hubby and I definitely need to go back to prayer on this one. We need some direction, and I don't want to lean on my own understanding for this matter anymore. God will show us the way, even if I feel stuck right now. I am trusting in Him.
This is me... BEING...STUCK!
There are times when I feel that I should just be happy that we have enough to pay the bills. Most people don't have that these days. But then again, there are days when I feel guilty for accepting our situation... for not desiring for more.
I often wonder what God feels about our situation. Does He want us to abound and be prosperous, having more than just enough? When He looks at us, does He think, "My daughter, I want more for you and your family." Or, does He look at me and say, "This little ungrateful child of mine. I give you enough, and you still want MORE?"
That uncertainty has led me to be stuck. I go back and forth between these feelings. I have yet to really seek God and ask Him what He wants for our financial situation. My hubby and have made SOOOOO many mistakes... there are days when we feel like we should just accept the consequences for our action; then there are days when we are begging God for His intervention.
There has to be something that we are to learn from this, right? We have repented so many times. God, I'm sorry! I don't know what else we should say or do. We need Your assistance! Tell us what to do to get out of this! And yet... there seems to be a slight struggle on our end.
*sigh*
My hubby and I definitely need to go back to prayer on this one. We need some direction, and I don't want to lean on my own understanding for this matter anymore. God will show us the way, even if I feel stuck right now. I am trusting in Him.
This is me... BEING...STUCK!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Believing What God Promised!
I had a moment of weakness today. My son has eczema, and he is going through a tough breakout this weekend. Usually, this wouldn't bother me as much because if it got too bad for over-the-counter creams, I would swing him by the doctor and get some meds...however, since I went part-time, I have lost my insurance benefits. I was frustrated because I know God spoke divine healing and health over my family, yet, here my son is with a bad breakout today. After my weak moment, I felt like crying. I was upset, guilty, etc. I know better than this, but I just had a moment.
I think I was having an issue because I spend all day on yesterday looking at health insurance plans, and everything is SO expensive. I tell ya, I just felt defeated. Did I make a mistake by going part-time? I thought sure I heard from the Lord on this. I had so much peace about it... until I saw the prices of insurance plans for myself and my family. I felt sick to my stomach. God, how in the WORLD are we supposed to afford this? I just didn't understand it all. I know I need to take it to God... I know this. And I will... I just couldn't react the way I wanted to on yesterday and today because my hubby and son were sitting there staring in mu face. But as soon as my son falls asleep tonight, you better believe I will be laid out on my face in worship. I feel it. Even in church today, I felt like just spending time with Him.
I was getting my son ready for bed tonight and I mentioned to him that we were going to pray for his healing from eczema tonight. He asked what I would pray for, and I told him complete healing, that he doesn't itch, and that his breakouts would go away. He says, "But mom, that's impossible!" And I instinctively said, "With God, all things are possible! God can do anything!" And then I was EXTREMELY convicted because as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Do YOU believe that?"
I want to believe... Lord, help my unbelief! As my son and I prayed tonight, I thought about the promise of diving healing and health that God spoke during the time He told me to go part-time. If God said it, why in the world and I struggling with this? At this very moment that I am typing this, I have decided to expect miracles! I don't know how, or when, but God is going to do what He promised. I ask right now that the Lord strengthen me... for when I am weak, He is strong! His word cannot return to Him void...
2 Corinthians 1:20
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
This is me... believing what God promised!
I think I was having an issue because I spend all day on yesterday looking at health insurance plans, and everything is SO expensive. I tell ya, I just felt defeated. Did I make a mistake by going part-time? I thought sure I heard from the Lord on this. I had so much peace about it... until I saw the prices of insurance plans for myself and my family. I felt sick to my stomach. God, how in the WORLD are we supposed to afford this? I just didn't understand it all. I know I need to take it to God... I know this. And I will... I just couldn't react the way I wanted to on yesterday and today because my hubby and son were sitting there staring in mu face. But as soon as my son falls asleep tonight, you better believe I will be laid out on my face in worship. I feel it. Even in church today, I felt like just spending time with Him.
I was getting my son ready for bed tonight and I mentioned to him that we were going to pray for his healing from eczema tonight. He asked what I would pray for, and I told him complete healing, that he doesn't itch, and that his breakouts would go away. He says, "But mom, that's impossible!" And I instinctively said, "With God, all things are possible! God can do anything!" And then I was EXTREMELY convicted because as soon as the words came out of my mouth, I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Do YOU believe that?"
I want to believe... Lord, help my unbelief! As my son and I prayed tonight, I thought about the promise of diving healing and health that God spoke during the time He told me to go part-time. If God said it, why in the world and I struggling with this? At this very moment that I am typing this, I have decided to expect miracles! I don't know how, or when, but God is going to do what He promised. I ask right now that the Lord strengthen me... for when I am weak, He is strong! His word cannot return to Him void...
2 Corinthians 1:20
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us.
This is me... believing what God promised!
Saturday, August 2, 2014
90 Day Bible Challege
I started a bible reading challenge on yesterday. For the next 90 days, I have agreed to do the following:
Seems easy enough, since most of this we should be doing on our own anyway. But I tell you, I have an issue with follow-through. I can't tell you how many things I have started and stopped for no specific reason other than I was tired of doing it. Let's hope that this time will be different. I want to commit to it... but I know myself. I am hoping to push through the thoughts of stopping this time. I mean, Jesus said no one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. So many of my toes were stepped on in that one statement. Help me Lord Jesus... I want to commit myself to this. Hopefully, this challenge will jump start a lifelong journey of reading and spending time with God every day.
- Read selected scriptures daily.
- Pray/Read/Meditate/Study for at least two hours out of the day.
- Fast every Wednesday from 6am-12pm.
- Post a discussion/blog every Friday about any challenges, concerns, revelations that I have received that week.
Seems easy enough, since most of this we should be doing on our own anyway. But I tell you, I have an issue with follow-through. I can't tell you how many things I have started and stopped for no specific reason other than I was tired of doing it. Let's hope that this time will be different. I want to commit to it... but I know myself. I am hoping to push through the thoughts of stopping this time. I mean, Jesus said no one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. So many of my toes were stepped on in that one statement. Help me Lord Jesus... I want to commit myself to this. Hopefully, this challenge will jump start a lifelong journey of reading and spending time with God every day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)